im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
