Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
