You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
