You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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