grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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