I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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