Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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