I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
