I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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