4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize