I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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