You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
