My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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