I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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