ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
