Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
