just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize