grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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