Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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