So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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