For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
