there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
