I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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