Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
