i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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