Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
