trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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