im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
