She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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