The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
