If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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