At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
