You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
