You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
