Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
