i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
vagina is talking i cant
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
