I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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