I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
