I can text with my tongue
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
