just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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