Moan for me like Helen Keller
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
