I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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