there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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