If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
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Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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