Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
