Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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