I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
