he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
