Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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