Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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