I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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