Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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