Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
