He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
