Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
