May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
