Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
