also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
