Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
