I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
