That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
