Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
