where am i from again
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
