did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
