toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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