My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
