Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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