i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The air was thick with penises
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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