Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
