I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
