Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
