Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
