new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
