why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
