..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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