matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
this hospital has no fireball
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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