I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
