did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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