I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
