Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
NoShamevember. You game?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
