I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
