i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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